My Husband is SUPER Smart!

Yesterday, I had an interesting day. (Remember the curse "may you live in interesting times"?)

I called my husband at work, to share my headache. See, the puppies are getting bigger. Much bigger. And heavier. I bought them a few chew toys, one of which is a braided rope with a tassel on each end. Kinda like a tug-of-war toy. I was busy painting, so I braided my long hair straight down my back to keep it out of the paint. (cue music from Jaws ...) Later, I went outside to give the puppies a snack. Suddenly, one lunged at my head! He grabbed my braid and gave it a good jerk/twist/slobbering. I made a sound not normally associated with a calm and happy woman. The puppy will NOT be making the mistake of thinking my hair is a chew toy ever again.

Anyway, so I called my husband at work once I had regained control of the situation. He sympathized, even trying to point out that his day was less than great too. Its possible I screamed "unless your hair has been attacked by squirrels your day has NOT NOT NOT been worse than mine", or something similiar. My memory gets a little fuzzy at that point.

But, Mr. SuperSmart Husband quickly re-focused the conversation with the phrase "I was going to save it, but I have a surprise for you". (This is the part you'll need to be sitting down for) He said "let me read an email I got at work this morning". Then he proceeded to read an email that contained most of the following words "The women from her SundaySchool class know Lucy's a little stressed about finishing the house before the guests get here, so we'd like to plan an event where we all come to your house UNANNOUNCED and surprise her with some help around the house, kinda like CleanSweep or WhileYouWereOut"

Pause a moment to let that sink in.

For reference: my house is in such bad shape that I made my best friend swear that in the event that I die in the next few weeks, that she'll break into my house and clean it before anyone else sees it.

A herd of women (some of who really want to be helpful, and one who just wants to feel superior, and some I don't know at all) are planning an invasion of my house where they'll have access to every nook and cranny in every room. And their plan was to do this as a surprise. They contacted my husband so he could HELP them give me a stroke! He wasn't supposed to tell me. Thats where the SUPER-smart part comes in, because when he read that email he suddenly knew that surprising me like that wouldn't result in a "Hallmark" moment.

When he dropped the bombshell via the phone (because he's also too smart to do that in person) I once again made sounds not normally associated with a calm and happy woman. My brain locked -up, no thoughts were possible (for what seemed like an eternity although in reality it was about four minutes). He laughed. Then the wheels spun, spinning mental gravel across the vast empty parking lot my mind had become.

The upshot is that the group will be coming by the house to offer their assistance the week before the guests arrive. This has effectively moved up the deadlines by five days.

Bwahahahahaha ....

I feel like the mad villian in an old movie that denies his own failure and downfall even as he plunges over the cliff!


Oh, that is just too horrifying to imagine. I would be so peeved to have MORE pressure to get something done, because now MORE people are coming over! And the very thought of a group going through my home 'helping' me....spit, sputter, scream....

And there's always at least one in the group who's just there to feel superior, isn't there?

Good heavens.


Leni | 10/29/2004 - 11:18 PM

LOL. Then I "sprained" my back which is why I can't post because I'm only supposed to move a very little bit and I can't type while lieing down. Which would probably be a bad idea anyway since I'm medicated and there's no telling what I'd say. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me priorities. First, no back pain. THEN worry about prideful housecleaning.

Lucy | 10/31/2004 - 03:33 PM

LOL! I know what you mean about not talking while you're taking drugs. I once told my dh I loved him more when I was on Vicodin! That didn't come out quite right! Good thing he has a good sense of humor.

Sorry your back is hurt, it's th pits. Praying for a speedy recovery!

Leni | 11/01/2004 - 02:42 AM
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