Bad Ideas

Sometimes, ideas are SO bad that they are simply beyond the pale.

For example, I've been looking at catalogs for overweight people because I'm overweight (for the moment) and living in ShoppingHades. There seem to be two catagories of clothing.

(1) Clothing for ninety year old women who are devoid of all taste, and exhibit a fondness for bad polyester. Senile biddies.

(2) Clothing for hookers, who are devoid of all taste, and are determined to market themselves as such. Tacky hookers.

Consider these self-evident truths that have escaped the average designer:

If it looks bad on a size ten model, it will look hideous on a size twenty woman.

If it has "stretch" in the description it should NOT be sold in size 5X!

If couches were covered with similiar material in the 70's, don't make it into a mumu.

These are not exagerations, I swear these are real issues gathered from several catalogs. No wonder so many of the overweight women I see look like they rolled off a turnip-truck! They don't have a chance. Fortunately, my mother lives in fear that I'll start wearing "comfortable polyester pants for only $11.99". She also lives near ShoppingHeaven, so she mails in lots of stuff.

Yeah, I know I'm only living in the Mid-West, but I feel like I'm living in some foreign country in the middle of the wilderness thousands of miles from civilization! (Note: If you live near Chicago where there is great shopping, do not be sending me hate mail!) Women here don't know how to wear heels with grace. They don't swivel from the hip when they walk. They don't wear perfume, or toe-nail polish. They don't understand that there is "good polyester" and "bad polyester". I suppose its not their fault. They never had a chance really, what with no local shopping and catalogs dominated by women-hating-designers.

I feel a little like I'm raising my children among agreeably pleasant savages, but savages none-the-less. (Note: Yes, there are good things about the Mid-west, and I some of my best friends are locals. Don't send me hate mail!) I don't know how this devolved into an "I miss the South" post, but there it is. I DO miss living in the South. I miss the early Spring flowers, and Easter clothes that don't involve heavy coats. I miss Sunday dinner being an event. I miss "customer service" being about serving the customer. I miss fire-flies and humidity. I miss real picnics and the Fiddlers Convention and the family reunion. I miss parties thrown by people that know how to throw parties well. I miss people volunteering to help, instead of just being willing if asked.

People here think I'm just "sweet natured". They have no conception of the "South" as a culture, no idea of the fundamental differences between us. (Once I asked my husband if he thought people would remember me as "sweet natured" the way they did my grandmother. He snorted so hard he almost swerved into the ditch! I took that as a "no". When he recovered the ability to speak, which took awhile, he assured me that I had many wonderful characteristics but that a "sweet" nature wasn't one of them!) I miss people understanding me, even if they misunderstand me to my credit.

Most of all, I suppose I miss being the Rule instead of the Exception.


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writing services uk | 06/12/2012 - 05:16 PM
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