Welcome To My Breakdown

So, you might notice its the middle of the night. (You might have even noticed my comments are messed up again, but I'll deal with that later).

Regular readers will know that I have the plague (ie pneumonia, flu, etc). I was laying in bed waiting for the Motrin to kick-in because I have a migraine and backpain from excessive coughing ... just laying there thinking ... thinking that I had written a bill today and noticing the date ... thinking ... thinking ... thinking that the body is an amazing thing since it postponed my period while I have the plague ... thinking ... thinking ... thinking that as long as I'm up and need to go to the bathroom that I'll take the test in the bottom drawer in the bathroom, just to reassure myself so I'll sleep better.

So, now that I'm pregnant, the question was: to let my husband sleep or to wake him up. Hmmmm. I flipped on all the lights. To which he mumbles "but I need to sleep". So, standing over him I suggest "you'll want to be awake for this". (I'm not sure he believed me.) Followed with "I'm pregnant". (At that point he kinda had spasms). I turned off the lights on my way to the kitchen to eat as many carbs as I damn well wanted. For whatever reason, he wasn't able to go back to sleep. And for some other crazy reason, he thought I'd be coming back to bed. Instead of eating my weight in potato-salad and ice-cream. Yeah. Right.

I should have known. This happens every time I lose some weight. Its not that I don't like babies. Afterall, I have three of them. THREE OF THEM ALREADY. And each one almost killed me. My husbands theory is that "well, God doesn't want you yet". My theory is "don't tempt God" because it says so in the Bible. I have to have c-sections, and now I live in a town where the hospital might be generously described as a good heloport if you need to be airlifted to a REAL hospital which is two hours away.

I blame my husband completely. Now, some of my more fair-minded friends will point out that it takes two. To them I reply: This is my tantrum, get off my boat. And if I want to mix my metaphors I will.

Then, I told my husband "well, at least I knew first this time" and he kinda had a look on his face (having finally stumbled into the computer room after figuring out I wasn't coming back to bed) and I knew! He had known first. He always knows first. Then a few minutes later he asked "why did you worry now, in the middle of the night" followed by ...

"how many more days could I have had if the test hadn't been in the drawer?" Thats right people! He was enjoying me not knowing because he's about to have a REALLY interesting year. I'm generally not a happy pregnant person. I throw up ALL the time (24/7). I want to sleep ALL the time (which isn't going to be happening with three small children). Plus, I'm just crabby because I'm not looking forward to the pain. I have a ridiculously low pain-threshold. We both know that. Fortunately, he has a ridiculously high whine-threshold.

And, NO, the bright side is NOT that we'll be having lots of worry-free sex. Because we're never having sex again. Note to Husband: JUST SO YOU KNOW!

(Comment from Leni)

((((Lucy)))) Wish I could give you a real hug. I had such hard pregnancies, which is why we have THREE, and not any more than that. I always had the mixture of "oh my, a new baby to cherish" followed immediately by the dread of what I would have to go through to GET that baby.

I will be praying for you, and I am very happy for you.

Leni<><


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