It seemed reasonable at the time. Really, it did. But, then, it had been a very long tiring day. The kind of day that seems to have sucked the life right out of you. The kind of day that could only end in a very long bath in the bubblely tub. Well, I suppose technically it could have ended some other way, but this is MY story and I needed to be in that tub.

I love the tub. When we bought this house it had the most horrid bathroom. Olive. Or avocado. Just ... nasty. And no tub. The bathroom was completely ripped out, and expanded into the hallway closet, making room for a lovely black-n-white vintage style bathroom. With a huge extra-deep extra-wide tub. And God bless my husband for installing a tub with jets and an in-line water heater! Yes, its relevant to the story as opposed to just random nice thoughts about my husband. Which wouldn't be a shock to y'al since sometimes I just like to babble about his wonderfulness. But this isn't one of those times.

An in-line water heater is one that continually slightly heats the water in the tub as it circulates through the jets. So I can stay in the tub for hours and hours as the water maintains a lovely warm temperature. You know how your fingers get all pruney when they've been in water for a long time? Well, I know I've been in the tub too long when my PALMS get all pruney, usually about the three hour mark. And let me tell you, I'm seriously relaxed after three hours in the tub.

So, there I was, laying in the tub. Speculating that perhaps in a minute I might think about maybe looking at my palms. Or not. While trying to decide if it were worth the effort to raise my hand out of the water, my husband came in to brush his teeth and suggest gently that I could think about getting out. I was disinclined to agree. So, I'm laying there in water thinking about water very relaxed in the water and SUDDENLY WITH NO WARNING HE THROWS A TROUT ON ME!

Ok, so he didn't throw a trout on me. But that was the thought that surfaced fastest when something about 18 inches and wet landed with a "thunk" on my tummy. Trout! Trout! Afterall, what else could it have been? Because, for the life of me, I couldn't imagine he had thrown a glass of water on me. Tossing the water sideways into the tub, watching it elongate before it slapped onto me. And having discounted that possibility, and laying in water thinking about water, and the actually impact being about 12-18 inches then OF COURSE the first thing a reasonable person would think is TROUT! TROUT!

To add insult to injury, he seemed surprised by the extreme reaction to a little water when I was already wet. I explained, as indignently as I could while being incredibly relieved there was no actual fish, that I thought he had thrown a fish on me. "A goldfish!?!" No, I explained to him. A trout.

I thought he would come unglued. Laughing, grabbing his appendix incision which still kinda hurts, collapsing against the wall, gasping for air, little tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. Personally, I didn't think it was THAT funny. I TRIED to explain about the water and the trout and how I refused to believe he would be so MEAN as to throw water on me and how ... I had to stop because I thought he'd pass out laughing.

Over the course of the next hour he periodically raised some interesting questions. Why trout instead of catfish, or bass? Where did I think he would get a live trout? How and where did I think he had kept it alive until the perfect moment? Did I really think throwing a trout was less mean than throwing some water?

Sure, those were valid questions. But in my own defense it would behoove everyone to remember that hind-sight is 20/20. I'm sure any reasonable person in the same situation would have lept to the same conclusion!


OK, Lucy, my first thought was, "The man must pay." That would just totally KILL the relaxation of the bath, I'd have to do bodily harm. Serious harm.

However, the bath sounds absolutely lovely. In line water heater, you say? Going right onto my Christmas list. OK, it might be 20 years before I get it, but it will be on my list!

I took a serious bath the other day, just because I could, and hadn't in a long time (busy with mom.) It was just exactly what I needed. I'm a big believer in bath therapy.


Leni | 03/04/2006 - 11:53 PM

Trout??! LOL!

Seriously, the bathtub is one of the most important items in my home. Well, maybe next to my rocking chair and my wool blankets. Once and once only, many long years ago, I lived for two years in an apartment which had a stand-up shower but no bathtub. Believe me, it was a long two years...

Paul Burgess | 03/05/2006 - 01:46 PM

I laugh till my eyes watered and my belly hurt. That is hillarious! But he does redeem himself for actually putting in the in-line water heater, don't yoy think?
Currently I live in a house with a tub only fit for Melody to get a good soak in. Your tub sounds simply delightful!

Leah | 03/06/2006 - 02:31 AM

I'm still giggling. Probably your husband is also.

earth girl | 03/06/2006 - 12:50 PM

Trout is a cold water fish. Shame on him if he was throwing a trout into a nice hot bath. Bass or croppie would both be much better candidates.

Think about might be kind of interesting to have a decent sized gamefish swimming around in the tub with you.

King of Fools | 03/06/2006 - 03:28 PM

It might be interesting to have a fish in the tub, but it DEFINITELY wouldn't be WITH me!

Someday soon I'll be posting about the new house-under-construction. It has a seven foot tub (with in-line heater) and a waterfall faucet. I let my husband make the decisions for our bathroom! Apparently, that was a REALLY good idea.

Lucy | 03/07/2006 - 12:28 AM
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