February 27, 2007
Riddle Me This

(Answer the riddle with the first thing that comes to mind, or the second. But don't dwell on it for more than a few minutes, and don't read anyone else's answer before posting your answer even if you just post that you don't know. Really. This will be interesting tomorrow when I tell you what it says about you. This is fun, just in case you were in doubt :)

There is a grown woman. She goes to her own mother's funeral. There she meets a stranger, the man of her dreams! He's wonderful! Her soul-mate. He feels the same way about her. They get interupted. He vanishes into the chaotic crowd. She didn't get his name. He didn't sign the guest-book. She's distraught. Two days later, she kills her sister.

Riddle: Why did she kill her sister?

We're Fine

I was going to title this "Everythings Normal", but is it EVER really normal around here!?! Anyway, the point is ... if you saw anything on the news that made you think of us, you can rest assured that we're fine. If not normal :)

February 22, 2007
Fake Problems

Today, my worst problem is going to be ... hmmm ... maybe bad hair. MAYBE a child will be cranky with me, give me attidtude. Maybe a child will use all the tape to cover her desk. (These are not unheard of problems.) Maybe I'll get bad customer service at the restaurent I go to when I don't feel like cooking dinner. Maybe I'll have to get gas before I can run errands tonight.

But, in general? Its AMAZING to be me. Or probably "you" for that matter. Without knowing who you are, I know you have computer access. That says a lot about you. Like ... you have electricity. And ... you can read.

So. Take a moment. Really think about it. Yes, it IS fabulous to be us :) For those that want to keep it that way, here's a tip ... At our house we have a new rule: Do NOT answer the phone on Wednesdays!

February 21, 2007
Blank Stare, Perpetual Expression

Last night I noticed a new joke book on my husband's nightstand, for the kids. I picked it up, and idlely thumbed through it while talking to him. Here's how THAT went ...

Lucy: Oh! This is cute. I'm so glad you got it. Can I put it in the "school library" now?
Husband: Sure.

Lucy: They'll love these. Listen to this: What's yellow and goes round and round?
Husband: Tweety in a blender.

Lucy: (Blank Stare) what? WHAT?
Husband: (slowly, between laughs) Tweety. In. A. Blender.

Lucy: No. A Banana in a washing-machine.
Husband: Your expression was better for my answer! Priceless!

Yes, boys and girls, my children come by it honestly. You know, that desire to make Mommy's head implode.

February 20, 2007

You know that moment when the clouds part, a ray of sun focuses, and you hear an angelic chorus procalim "ta-daaaa"? I just had one of those!

You Can't Take It With You

Well, actually, you can. If its knowledge you're talking about. The thing is, I don't WANT to take it with me. In fact, there's one thing I particularly want to make SURE I don't take with me to the grave. The recipe for chicken and rice. My grandmother's recipe. Maybe I've posted it before. Maybe not. Its too good to be lost, and my children really really really like it. So, for the benefit of posterity, here it is ...

February 19, 2007
Home Schooling, The Roman Way

This morning we were doing some math. Well, technically, Ron was doing the math and I was working on the schedule for this week. I noticed it was taking him a really long time to do some simple math. I told him to pick up the pace. A few minutes later, I noticed he was still dragging. I told him, a bit firmer, to pick up the pace.

Ron asked "What's the roman numberal for thousands?" I told him that I was not goin to distract him by talking about things that had nothing to do with his current page of school-work. (We did roman numerals last week)

He said "But I need to know" as he showed me his page. Where he was answering all the math problems correctly. Then converting the answers to roman numerals.

Grant me patience!

February 16, 2007
Emergency! Emergency!

Lee (age 7) comes running into the kitchen last night. He yells "Emergency!" and my husband immediately stops ... focuses ... questions "what emergency?".

I almost fell off my chair trying not to laugh when Lee took a big breath and said "Welllll. I was walking down the hallway ..." I knew in my bones that this was going to involve a long story ... (Get in your head one of those crazy images from FamilyCircus cartoon that takes Jeffy on a five miles circuit through the yard when he walks from the mailbox to the front-door) ...

Sure enough, three minutes later he was getting to the point (and to interupt him is to invite a monologue on why you shouldn't have interupted and distracted him from the important details of his story) and my husband was starting to get a kink in his neck from bending over and staring intently at Lee, as if he could figure out the "emergency" from clues in Lee's face. Suddenly, Ron burst into the room "Emergency! Toilet water floor!" and he was dashing back down the hallway!

Yes, the toilet was clogged. Yes, the water had been continually over-flowing the whole time Lee was talking. Yes, my husband is a good man for refraining from screaming as he tore down the hallway to stem the tide.

Meanwhile, Ron comes back to the kitchen and gives me a serious look. "Mom. Its NOT funny. I got Toilet. Water. On. My. Feet." He glared at me as no one else on Earth can. All I could do was look at him and agree that it wasn't funny he got toilet-water on his feet as tears of laughter rolled down my face.

February 12, 2007
Tagged And Released Into The Wild

Thats how I felt this morning ... like I had been captured, tagged, and released into the wild for further observation.

I got up in the very early wee morning hours so I could go to Walmart, Krogers, and the dry-cleaners before 7:00am without children. This fascinates my husband, that I can spring from bed in the middle of the night ready to shop but must be dragged from bed by squealing children demanding breakfast.

This morning he gave me his cell-phone, and mentioned that he had set an alarm for 6:30 so I'd know when I needed to head home. I slipped it into my pocket. Later, the alarm sounded. He had changed the ring-tone to the theme from Larry-Boy, which usually amuses me and whatever small children are with me. But I'd never used the alarm feature before. Apparently, opening and closing the phone doesn't turn off the alarm. It triggers the "snooze" function. So that the phone rings every six minutes until you get home and tell your husband you can't turn off the alarm.

For some reason, in my sleep-deprived state, this reminds me of those tracking devices scientists put on bears before they release them back into the wild for further observation. I envision a group of little old men in white lab-coats and clipboards watching a screen that has a blinking dot moving through a maze of a floorplan for Walmart. "Look! She's doubleling back! Does that mean she forgot something? Added something to the list? Was she influenced by the end-cap? Is there a sale in that department? Hmmmm. What's her plan?"

February 06, 2007
What To Say

Got the same cold/rsv/pneumonia that the rest of the world has. Just sick enough to be whiney, which is to say ... not really all that sick compared to people in the ICU.

Too tired and medicated to post brilliant and fascinating things. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime ... go over to Babalu and ponder on the possibility that Val (who is a sweetie) (and who I thought was a sweetie before he got big stats) was the target of a Cuban hit. (The story from yesterday about the brakes). Damn. It gives you pause.