December 15, 2008
Catholics Have Issues

I've learned a lot about Catholics since the boys started going to a Catholic school this year. Most pointedly, I've learned that Catholics can't park. Who knew? All those years that I thought they were ... different ... it had nothing to do with theology. Instead, its just that Those People can't park. And, yes, I've decided to call them "Those People" while using "that tone" and raising an eye-brow.

It seems that after EVERY function I attend at the church, some CATHOLIC has parked me in! Who in their right mind would double-park in a small mid-western town WITH PLENTY OF AVAILABLE PARKING!?! Apparently, Catholics.

What drives me nuts is that there is PLENTY of other parking available. No kidding. PLENTY of parking. But no matter where I park, when I come out of the function, some lunatic has parked me in! It varies from event to event. Sometimes the crazy person scampers out to dash away in their car, furtively glancing left and right. But one time, the ... person ... dawdled behind, chattering like a deranged squirrel!

Frankly, this has colored my view of Catholics. Before, I might have disagreed with them but I never thought them to be flat-out crazy. Now, I find myself speculating about people I know. "Hmmm, sure, they SEEM sincere and intelligent. But you never know. I've seen Those People park!"

December 07, 2008
RSVP Quandry

Being in a bit of a mood and reading advice columns is probably a bad combination. I think of THE most outrageous advice for those poor poor people traumatized by life. For example, the poor poor person who couldn't get people to RSVP for her Christmas party. This one might have seized my imagination because I've been in her boat. Where people didn't RSVP and then showed up in herds.

Suddenly! A solution sprang full-blown into my conciousness! Let this be fair warning ... I am ready for you serial-non-rsvp-ers the next time I throw a party with an RSVP rate below 25% ...

I. Will. Move. The. Party. Or change the date. And only call to inform those people who rsvp'd. And when the whiny non-rsvp'ers complain? Oh, please PLEASE please let me get out all my words before their ears start to bleed ...

it occurs to me that perhaps I need a lot of chocolate. And potato-chips. And fuzzy socks. And a nap. I can plot the downfall of midwestern civilization tomorrow :)