My Husband Is Not Perfect

Well, he’s practically perfect. But there are moments … We have issues about chocolate chips. I buy the giant bag of Ghiradelli chips at SamsClub. I bring them home and put them in gallon size ziplocs, enjoying the feeling of having enough chocolate chips to do whatever I want without a trip to the store. I can make cookies at the drop of a hat. I can make chocolate-chip-pancakes on the spur of the moment, if Lee is in the mood. I can add them to trail-mix in a heart-beat. I like being organized, knowing that all the ingredients are right at hand. I’m short and he is tall (that’s an important plot point).

My husband likes chocolate chips. Actually, he just finds them an acceptable substitute for very dark chocolate. No milk chocolate for him. That’s for sissies. Sometimes, if he’s desperate for a snack, he’ll munch them straight from the ziploc while watching Tivo. He’s not a bit overweight. I’d be the size of a very X-large barge if I settled in with a gallon of chocolate chips. I don’t really begrudge him the chips. That’s one reason I buy in bulk at Sams. BUT … then he hides the bag.

It seems like there’s always a good reason. The TV is in the bedroom (by forced remodeling, not by choice) and he didn’t want the kids to come wake us up and find the baggie. So. He tossed it onto the very top back shelf of his closet, and promptly forgot them. We could have MOVED and I wouldn’t have found those chocolate chips. Sure enough, I needed them two days later. Tore the house apart looking for them. Couldn’t find them. Had to make something else. Wasn’t happy. It never occurred to me to say “Hey, have you seen this kitchen ingredient?”. That man doesn’t cook anything at all, ever. I only found them because I happened to see him get them down later for another snack in front of the TV. That was certainly a “moment”. I was sure he’d never do that again.

I am SO wrong, SO often! Sure enough. The chips went missing again this week. I suppose it was my fault. I left the bag on the countertop for a few hours after I used some chips. He wandered by. “Hmmm. I hope the kids don’t get into the chocolate chips” he thought to himself. Trying to be helpful, he tossed the bag into a kitchen cabinet. On the tall shelf, in the back, behind a stack of glass pie-plates I only use to serve nachos and behind the empty peanut-butter-containers which I’m saving for kiddie-crafts eventually. Oh yeah, THAT’S a place I’m going be looking for something that is supposed to be down the hall in the pantry.

I suppose as far as flaws go, this is a relatively small one. My husband is practically perfect. This is probably what keeps him from being totally perfect. Well, this and the toothpaste. He squeezes his toothpaste in the middle of the tube, willy nilly! I squeeze my toothpaste gently but firmly from the end. That’s the way you’re supposed to squeeze toothpaste. I tell you, society is standing on the edge of the abyss when people give in to the temptation to squeeze with wild abandon!


Chocolate chips..... yum!

James Doney | 03/03/2004 - 07:22 PM

I'm convinced that this sort of thing is hard-wired (or not-wired, depending on how you look into it) into your average male brain. I lose stuff constantly, all the time, and often put them in odd places.

Dean Esmay | 03/04/2004 - 10:40 PM

Tonight, we ordered pizza because I just had other things to do. We ordered it from PapaJohns because they have huge doughy breadsticks. I took about a 1/2 cup of chocolate chips and a few tablespoon of milk (or cream) and microwaved it on high for 15 seconds. Then stirred. Repeat until smooth. Use to dip breadsticks. Its fabulous.

The male coming out in Hubby: he abandoned the breadsticks and ate the chocolate ganauche with a spoon! He defends this approach with the justification that its essentially melted fudge. I'm not falling for it. Nature is against eating chocolate sauce with a spoon, I'm sure of it.

Lucy | 03/05/2004 - 02:37 AM
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