Sometimes, My Heart Skips A Beat

Sometimes, my heart skips a beat and its not from cardiac-problems either. We're approaching the Valentine season. Which according to Walmart started January 2nd. Which made me think of Thanksgiving. Just go with it, trust me.

Remember the Thanksgiving incident? Sure you do. Appendix Day! Which makes my heart skip a beat every time I think about it in that sparklely-wow!-I-feel-loved kinda way.

After the incident, days later, my husband mentioned in passing what he was thinking when he realized something was very very very wrong that morning before he went to the hospital ... He was standing at the bathroom sink, thinking something very similiar to "Dear God, Please don't let this happen to her, Amen"

Did you get that? He was really considering the possibility that something was very wrong enough to kill him, and the concern upper-most in his mind was my future instead of his own. And he meant it.

A few months ago, Julie at Seedlings and Sprouts mentioned a woman she knew that kept telling her comatose husband that he was loved because she wasn't sure he already knew. That struck me as ultimately horrifically sad. And then it dawned on me that maybe my husband needed to know. Not that I love him, which he's well aware of in spade, but rather that he might need to know that I know that he loves me.

During the holidays, after the baby and the appendix and the house-guests and stuff, I might have been a little ... temperamental. Its possible I had a meltdown like an exhausted two year old desperately in need of a nap. Or a meltdown like an exhausted thirty-six year old desperately in need of a nap. Going to bed with puffy eyes, I just wanted to sleep it off. So there I was, laying in bed under my fluffy blanket, when my husband told me from the doorway something along the lines of "I don't know exactly what happened, and I'm sorry you're upset, but I want you to know that I love you" NOTE TO HUSBAND: PAY ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT PART

So, there I was, laying in bed cranky and the thought that went through my head right before I drifted off to sleep was "Of COURSE I know you love me" I was really ... grumpy ... and still, that fact was never in question.

Now, I can understand how he might have been confused because I was a little incoherent and rambling while trying to make the point that "You didn't pay enough attention to me" instead of making the point "You don't love me". I NEVER imagine that he doesn't love me but I am greedy enough to want more time. I ALWAYS want more time. ANOTHER NOTE TO HUSBAND: Yes, I know your time is in very short supply and I get all the best parts you have left and it'll be better as soon as the house is finished etc. Yes, I know you're doing it for us. Yes, I swear I get it. Yes, I will try to be a better sport about it. And sometimes I will succeed :)


Well said. My dh asked me one day why I didn't leave during the worst of his depression all those years ago. I was shocked. It honestly NEVER occurred to me. He was shocked that it hadn't!

Ain't true love grand??? ;o)

Leni | 01/27/2006 - 03:39 PM

I remember one of the very few times my grandmother lost her temper. Years after my grandfather got sick with strokes/epilepsy/alzheimers, he was having a rare coherent day sitting in his wheelchair on the sun-porch and he told my grandmother "please divorce me and put me in a home".

She totally lost her temper, having an abolute fit. Flailing her hand with the wedding ring and saying something vaguely along the lines of "Do you see this? How dare you try to take this from me. What have I ever done to you that you would say something so horrible to me?!?" And it progressed from there. And it made him smile. While tears rolled down his cheeks. I suspect he knew he was loved, too.

Lucy | 01/28/2006 - 02:22 PM
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