It's The Thought That Counts

It’s come to my attention that my husband has forgotten more about me than most people will ever know.

He said the strangest thing to me several weeks ago, with a smile after I opened my really-super-great birthday present, “I’d forgotten you could be a cheap date.” Both parts were true: (1) that he’d forgotten and (2) that my thrill level has little to do with cost.

Now, I’m not anti-holiday by any stretch of the imagination. Remember the holiday pajama fetish? And I love special days as much as the next girl. But, some people get hung up on the idea that Valentine’s Day is special because its Valentine’s Day when the reality is that Valentine’s Day is special because it’s a day to notice romanticism. And for me that’s not such a special deal because I notice he’s romantic lots of days, just because he wants to be.

Its never about “Hey, I was pressured to do this but I didn’t really feel like it and now I want to watch ESPN since I’ve done my duty and bought flowers”. Its more like “Hey, I bought flowers. I just love that sound you make.” (Which is why my children squeal when they get flowers, they’ll explain “because that’s what you’re supposed to do”)

And being romantic doesn’t always mean flowers. Sometimes it’s a big thing, like getting a sitter for four hours every Wednesday morning. So I can get out of the house all by myself. Which is a huge luxery. Almost so huge I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Sometimes it’s a little thing, like opening the dishwasher and finding it empty. I adored that little rush of “Aha!” when I found it unexpectedly empty because that’s a task I dreaded (now taken over by Ron). That’s the point of romantic … something that shows the other person really thought about you, and tried to do something that would make you especially pleased.

In other words, it’s the thought that counts. Sometimes it’s an expensive thing, like granite counter-tops up-grades even though I thought it an unnecessary extravagance. Granite so fabulous that I just want to stand in the kitchen and pet it. Sometimes it’s a cheap thing, like pizza for lunch in the park with the kids.

Which brings up another idea. Its possible to be romantic with people around. Romance is about showing the other person that you adore them, that you value them, that you think they’re extraordinary! Its about making them FEEL adored and valued and extraordinarily blessed with your attention. Some people are too self-conscious to do that in front of others, but some are so self-confident that romance just swirls in the air around them.

I had the great fortune of having the opportunity to marry a guy just full of self-confidence. And he doesn’t need the crutch of a specific day set aside for acceptable and expected public displays to make it ok for him to be romantic. He’s a REAL man, with plenty of nerve to be romantic any day he darn well wants to. Which, luckily for me, is lots and lots of days.


I loved this post. How encouraging and fabulous to know there are other men out there treating their ladies right. Way to go, Mr. Lucy. Keep it up. I think she loves you, too.

Keep on showing the world there is such a thing as a beautiful marriage. Rah rah!!!

Katherine | 02/15/2006 - 06:52 PM
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