If you work in Customer Service it is my personal opinion that you should treat everyone equally. Black/white, male/female, big-shot/ stay-at-home-mom. (Ahhh, you say. I bet I know where THIS is going) Yes, you probably DO know where this is going, but lets go there anyway, together :)

I stopped by a local bookstore, which shall remain nameless. Although it must be one of four, and if you're neurotic enough that not knowing which one it was keeps you awake night, then you can call me and I'll tell you. Or not. If I don't like you I might be amused that you can't sleep nights.

Imagine. You see a book series you want. Six books. Not cheap books either. But, hey, its educational so its all good. You toddle off to the bookstore, although this being "here" you call first to make sure they can do special orders. Of course they can! You arrive at the bookstore with your list of six titles. But the clerk is starting to look skittish. She's seen you have children. Four children. And they're all with you. Then she realizes that while the books are indeed text books, they are CHILDREN'S text books. Oh, the horror!

Mind you, they're text books from a very common publisher. No matter! Then she realizes that they must be for, is it possible they are for, can they be for ... home-schooling? And in that moment, her training fails her. Her training is gone, and in its place she's left with a stereotypical image of a calico-wearing fundamentalist blue-collar extremist whose Bible-thumping husband is probably out evangelizing to co-workers while he fills in pot-holes.

Hmmm, and what did she do in her lapsed state of Customer Service? She looked at me, and then dropped her eyes to look at other papers on her desk as she told me "We can't do that" and proceeded to ignore me, apparent under the impression that my submissive-wife personality was going to back out the door with my head down, muttering apologies for taking up her time. Are you willing to take bets on whether or not thats what happened next? ...

There's a lot to be said for a soft answer turning away wrath and/or irritation and/or arrogance. Of course, it also depends on what you say softly. For example, if you say "Would It Matter If ... A Professor Orders Them?"

The clerk says "yes" while glancing up into my eyes, then JUMPS TO ATTENTION when she actually makes full eye contact, nostrils flaring, eyebrows up, the realization suddenly clear that she really has no idea who I am. "NO! It will not matter at all if a professor orders them. We will be glad to take your information! The manager will call you Monday with whatever we can find out about these books!" (The manager actually called first thing Tuesday morning to apologize for any confusion and tell me that the books had arrived in the morning shipment, to be picked up at my leisure)

Let me hasten to point out that I am no one in particular. Thats the funny part. While she based bad service on her false assumption that I was a home-schooling-freak and therefore deserving of bad service, she aslo based her good service on the false assumptoin that I was a big-shot and therefore deserving of good service.

Imagine how much more effort that takes, to evaluate every customer so that you can be sure no one gets better service than their station-in-life mandates. The fear that those above you will be accidentially displeased and the fear that those below you will be accidentially pleased. It seems like a lot of fear to me.

And so in the end, I was more sorry for her than angry. I can't imagine living that way. And I'm reminded of a scene from StrictlyBallroom where the father laments to his son "We Lived Our Lives In Fear!" as he realizes the true horror was that there was nothing to be afraid of, that his whole life had been wasted.

As much as I'd like to say I live a fear-free life, that would be dishonest. I am moderately afraid of what others think. Which has been brought home to me today by the fact that we're taking all four children to an office function. And I find myself stressed beyond all belief because I will be in a large group of relatively unknown people, with a herd of children who simply MUST behave well or I will die. Because I allow their opinions to carry more weight than they should. They're probably all perfectly normal people (or worst-case I'll have a REALLY good post tomorrow ;)