Cows Like Key Lime Pie

Every February I think about the first time I encountered Key Lime Pie. In college I dated a boy from Florida. He was a little home-sick, missing the sunny weather in Florida and the great pie his mom usually made for his birthday. I turn into a girlfriend with a mission. I get the recipe from his mother in Florida, which is no small thing. Somehow I manage to find Key Limes in Tennessee, which is no small thing. I arrange for my mother (who is a phenomenally good cook) to spend the day with me working on this pie, which is a huge thing. We make two. That way we can cut one, testing it without marring the one that is to be presented to the ever-so-deserving boyfriend. The pies look wonderful when they come out of the oven. They smell wonderful. They taste horrendous!

We have no clue what went wrong. We go over and over the recipe. My mother even sends some to my grandmother, hoping against hope that she can figure it out. No such luck. My dad throws the pies into the trough for the cows, because cows will eat absolutely anything sweet. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick.

My mother and I are frantically trying to assemble another set of pies. She finishes up while I get dressed for my date. Its down to the wire. The pies are coming out of the oven at the moment Im supposed to be leaving. We try a bite of pie #2. Our hearts fall. Its the worst pie in the history of the entire world. That pie also goes to the happy cows. What a dilemma! We decide that its better to be the girlfriend with a good heart and a bad pie than the thoughtless girlfriend with no birthday gift of any kind. Off I go, with the single remaining pie.

He loves it! He thinks its a truly great pie! He laughs until he cries when I explain where the other three pies are. As it turns out, I just dont like key limes. Neither does my mother. Neither does my grandmother. I have been reassured over the years by many Key Lime Pie connoisseurs that this actually is a fantastic recipe. Here it is, for your enjoyment:

Key Lime Pie (for Cows and Others)

1 baked 9-inch pie shell (I prefer using graham cracker crust)
2 cups sweetened condensed milk (two small cans)
3 egg yolks (the yellow part of the egg)
1 cup KEY lime juice (use Nelly and Joes Famous Key West Lime Juice)

Beat yolks until thick and light lemon colored.
Blend in condensed milk (use a mixer or a whisk)
Gradually add Key lime juice, mixture will thicken.
Spoon mixture into pie shell.
Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.
Chill for two hours before serving.


Don't worry you are not alone! Key-limes are absolutely horrendous pies, and you don't need to be a pie expert to know that pumpkin pie is best, closly followed by my sisters peanut butter pie. Great site btw!

Nick Queen | 02/11/2004 - 01:01 PM

I happen to LOVE Key Lime Pie. It is an all time favorite, so I appreciate the story and the recipe. Congrats on the new site, The King did an excellent job on the design.

Anastasia | 02/11/2004 - 02:44 PM

There are very few pies which are not good. Fruit pies are my favorite, with a little ice cream on the side.

I'm not too keen on banana creme (but that is my own fault ask me about it sometime) and I'm no chocolate pudding fan.

King of Fools | 02/11/2004 - 04:26 PM
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