No Orange Casket For Me

First, I am neither dead nor do I expect to be so anytime soon. But, it seems perfectly normal to me to plan your own funeral well in advance. Afterall, if you wait until the last minute someone else will have to do it for you. My husband is a wonderful man, but I just dont think hed plan a great funeral. For one thing, hed be under a lot of stress and grief because he loves me. Im sure it would be FUNCTIONAL, but shouldnt we strive for more than that? If we were just interested in functional we would all get married down at the courthouse while wearing jeans. Another thing, hes never had to plan a large social gathering without me. And, yes, funerals are social gatherings. At least in the South.

Ive decided it will make my husbands life easier if I work on the plans in advance. (Note to Husband: Quit snorting, it WILL make your life easier in the long run). Ive given careful consideration to a great many things. Sometimes I ask his opinion, usually at the tail-end of a rather long monologue touching upon all sides of the issue. Imagine a quiet man, determinedly reading, finally forced to respond. He pauses. His eyes narrow slightly. He leans forward He announces Im going to bury you in a bright orange casket and theres nothing you can do about it.

He was kidding. He had SO better be kidding. Id prefer a tasteful funeral, which doesnt necessarily mean conservative and grim. But it DOES mean that there had better be NO orange casket. I would think hed be pleased to know that Ive already planned out most of the process (although now that weve moved Ill need to pick another caterer). Im just trying to save him from a catastrophe that will live in infamy.

What? you might say. Funerals dont live in infamy!

Ah, dear gentle reader, you have lead such a sheltered life. Or you have a miniscule extended family. Or you just arent Southern. Im relatively young and at least two such funerals spring to mind. Not just the ordinary tackiness like videotaping the funeral or highlighting the cards on the flower-arrangements before the funeral so your husband will know which ones to load into the van for you afterwards. Im talking headshaking-in-disbelief-for-years kinda events. But those are for tomorrows post.

Make Waves

Remember personal info?

Please enter the security code you see here

Note in a Bottle
Email this entry to:

Your email address:

Message (optional):