Ask, Recieve, Disbelieve?

The concept is fascinating: we ask for things through prayer, we recieve things we pray for, we disbelieve that there was divine intervention. (That was the name of an article in World magazine that really brought me up short)

How many times has it happened to you? You pray, things turn out allright, and you think "Oh, things would have turned out all right anyway. There wasn't any reason to pray afterall. It wasn't needed."

But how do we know that? Doesn't that seem rather like a crazy way to think? If we believe enough to pray, shouldn't we believe enough to expect an answer? Aren't we making the same mistake ancient Jews did who thought that the Messiah would arrive in a blaze of glory, and then rejected Jesus because he didn't fit their idea of how things would be? Do we overlook answers because they don't come in the way we expect?

Now, all that said, we're fine. Really. Calm even. Vaguely unnervingly at peace. Which is extra-odd knowing me.

My husband and my tech guy are at CES. The Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas. Yes, my husband is out of town. I don't even care who knows at this point. Its part of the story that he's out of town. And, he'll be home in a matter of hours.

Usually, I don't really sleep when he's gone. At best, I doze on and off during the night and nap on the couch during the "afternoon movie". But it occurred to me that perhaps this is truly a lapse of faith. If I don't believe God can and will protect me in this safe little suburb in the Mid-west, then how can I claim to believe that He's powerful and caring enough to protect me against Hell for all eternity? And so. I prayed. The Bible says He'll give his angels charge over you, and that we shouldn't be afraid. You either believe or you don't. If you believe, you might as well go to bed and get some sleep.

And so. I went to bed. And the next night I went to bed. And when the baby (Katherine) woke me up I trundled myself down the hallway without giving it another thought. Until I saw that the interior french-doors to the living room were open. And there was a glow from the computer monitor next to the door. And I knew very well I had turned it off.

I've got to admit that at first I was confused. And then it dawned on me that SOMEONE had to turn it on and open those doors. I was holding the cordless phone. I took it to bed with me because Sam is having a rough time and if she knows my husband is out of town she'll sometimes call to just talk through the night. Its a long way to the kitchen to get the phone, but if its right there on the pillow I can answer and she'll talk at me for hours and hours and all I have to do is mutter occassionally. I looked in on the boys room, both of them were REALLY asleep. You know, that sweaty deep sleep reserved for small children. There's no way they were faking. I backed down the hallway to the girls room.

They were both asleep. Katherine had gone right back to sleep after letting out one ear-splitting cry! Thats a first in our house, for a sleep hungry baby to go right back to sleep. By that time I was already dialing. Let me say that the police were SHOCKINGLY quick. I swear that even under stress, I guess they were here in less than 60 seconds! They swept through the house, finding no one. And managing not to even wake any children. Except for Cassie, who agreed with me that its nice to have police come help you look for things and then rolled over and went back to sleep while a police officer looked through her closet.

They didn't find anyone. No windows were disturbed. And the doors were locked. But who knows who has keys to the house (not that its going to matter after Monday) We didn't have the locks changed when we moved in because we bought it from the original owners who were in their early 90's. I'm pretty sure it wasn't them.

I know its odd that some freak would break in and just turn on the computer and then leave. Taking the time to lock the door behind him/her. So odd that maybe there wasn't even anyone else here. Maybe there was some electrical glitch that triggered the computer to come on by itself. Maybe I turned it on and forgot to turn it off as I stumbled to bed. Maybe ... maybe ... maybe.

The officers, who were so sweet, obviously thought I was a delusional woman with an active imagination compounded by an absent husband. I almost thought that myself. I called my husband anyway. And told him NOT to drive straight to the airport in the middle of the night. I just wanted to hear his voice while I was thinking.

Because my mind was spinning around and around and around. You know that feeling when somethings on the tip of your tongue? I couldn't put my finger on it. Eventually it came to me this afternoon ...

Forget the computer. The doors were open. THE DOORS WERE OPEN!

I NEVER go to bed with those doors open, which makes my husband nuts because of some babble about air-flow and the furnace. But if someone were across the street looking through the door across the alcove and through the second interior set of doors they would clearly see me walk down the hallway in less-than-fabulous night-wear on my way to the kitchen to warm up Katherine's milk. Which kinda gives me the creeps.

The very last thing I do every night is check the exterior door locks, check the kitchen for night-time baby supplies, adjust the kitchen lights, check the basement door, check the boys room, check the thermastat, check the doors, adjust the hallway lights, check the girls room, ending up in my bedroom. Its a very predictable chain, each location leading to the next location. Almost like a "walking meditation". Any change in the routine really throws me. I KNOW those doors were closed when I went to sleep. Even if some bizarre electrical surge or cookie managed to activate the computer in the middle of the night, it wouldn't account for the open doorway. And if it were one of the kids, they wouldn't have had time to get back to a sleep that deep which would have been practically immediately because the screen-saver hadn't kicked in yet.

I wonder if whoever turned it on heard Katherine wake up. Or just heard me get up and move around. Or heard me dial 911. Maybe "whoever" thought that the house was empty. My husband's vehicle is obviously gone. And I didn't open the curtains on the front of the house at all during the day because we were at the store all day until darkish.

Yes, I know sometimes bad things happen to good people. Yes, I know sometimes the answer to prayer is "no". Yes, I know its unlikely that some weirdo would break into our house just to use the computer. But those doors were closed at 2:00am and open at 5:00am.

Oddly enough, I think I'll be getting some sleep tonight. Afterall, why not? He's got us covered. Thank God for that. Literally.

Waves

(((Lucy))) I'm glad you called the police! Truly, God protects us so much more than we realize. Sounds like you got a little peek!

There's also the fact that the stuff we worry about, for the most part, is a complete waste of time. I wish I could remember the reference to the verse in Job, but there's a verse that talks about how before we were even created, our days were numbered, and He knew the exact day that our life would end. That brought such comfort to me! Who by worrying adds one hour to their life???

So glad you all are safe and sound!

Leni

Leni | 01/08/2006 - 01:01 AM
 
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