Harsh and Graphic - Not For Children Reading

Today I'm going to be blunt and harsh. Very harsh. Ugly, even. And, for those of you that may be thinking of excusing my behavior -- I mean every word of it. This is NOT an opening for a discussion. This is NOT about me trying to convince you of anything. This IS about me not going to try justifying to God when I stand in front of him why I didn't say anything because I don't like conflict. But, really, how much conflict am I going to have? Its not someone thats going to show up everyday in my community or at family gatherings. I'll get de-linked, and thats about it. So what? You think I'm going to say to God "Oh, I was scared of getting de-linked!"

There are things your family and friends won't tell you, or won't tell you bluntly enough to pierce your ego. No one that loves you and has to see you personally every day is going to say "You're an irresponsible selfish baby-killer". "You're no different from a woman that has an abortion and then drops the carcass on her husbands desk at work right before she splatter her brains all over his office-chair." "Get help, you're really sick."

(1) I had four c-sections, from medical necessity the first time and out of risk-control the other three. I know EXACTLY what the risks are. Vaginal after cesarian runs the risks of rupture so that 1 in 1000 infants die, and 1 in 10,000 mothers and child both die.

Think thats acceptable? Would you tell your husband, "Sure, drop Junior off at the school gym with 999 other kids. I need to go to the mall instead of being responsible for him today. I know a sniper is going to shoot one of them, but iIts a low risk and I really need to go shopping".

Not the same? You are putting the unborn baby at the same risk for death because of something YOU want that will make NO difference to the child. And I mean NO difference. How many times do you see people saying "I'm a bad person because I was born c-section. Its all that c-sections fault. If only I had been born vaginally!"

(2) Lets address the delusion of "But I don't feel like a real mother and a real woman not having given "real" natural birth" Whine some more. See how well that plays at the babies funeral. Maybe you don't feel like a "real" mother because you're actually willing to risk your baby for a maybe-I'll-feel-better moment. Dear Lord! Yeah, if the baby dies you're going to feel BETTER about yourself?!? And that leads me to not hate you, because I honestly think maybe you're ill. THINK ABOUT IT!

(3) Or, maybe you just really hate your husband. Imagine. Its HIS sperm that gets you pregnant, so your pregnancy is kinda his "fault". Which means he would feel guilty about your death and the babies death and your other children growing up mother-less., regardless of the fact that none of that would actually be HIS fault. And it would take a stellar man to not hate you if you manage to live and ONLY the baby dies. Yep. Killing his baby. Thats a sure way to keep a man's love.

Think about the odds again, this time in reverse. 1 in 1000. What if there was a raffle in your town where the prize was a million dollars and there were only 1000 tickets? Pretty good odds, huh? That you'll be the one.

(4) But our bodies are designed to heal ourselves. God will take care of it. But ... Sam's grandmother died in childbirth, and so did my Great-grandmother. Were they bad people? Maybe not enough faith? Just not good enough? Didn't God love them enough? Was the nurse that saved me just an interfering ass? Or did God send them SO I wouldn't die? Who are you to judge that?

Oh. I remember. You're the woman who hates herself so much that you don't have any love for anyone around you. God needs to help all right. He needs to help those that care about you because you are REALLY sick, and THEY are the ones that suffer.

I wish you no ill will. I hope you have a wonderful happy life. I hope you get all the help you need. But, I'm de-linking you because I'm NOT going on this roller-coaster-ride through Hell with you. Good Luck.


I went to a seminar recently (Pam Stenzel) and she talked about being a Prophet. Not a "God gave me a message, the world is ending tomorrow" kind of prophet. The truly biblical type...you know, who say what no one else wants to say to people who probably are going to stone you to death on your way out of town.

She said, "Don't pray for this gift, it's not nice, and people don't like you. But when God tells you to speak, you have to speak!" Dd nudged me and said, "So THAT'S your problem!"

Speaking the truth is not always received, but at least no one can say you never told them.

Leni | 08/18/2006 - 10:06 PM

Yeah, like Jonah. Can you imagine what he must have looked and SMELLED like after being in a fish's insides for days!?! Sure, he was alive. But ... EWWWWWWWW!

*shudder* No wonder he got people's attention!

I remember hearing a story about a misionary whose family was at the beach and a rip-current swept away the husband and daughter. She was crying hysterically and the locals only started paying shocked attention when she refused their attempts at comfort, saying that she wasn't crying because her family was dead. She was crying because the locals just didn't understand that Jesus had made that death ok. (I'm not sure I would have been that focused, but thats probably why I'm not a missionary) Anyway, it shocked the people on the beach so much that they actually listened to her and she led most of them to God.

Lucy | 08/18/2006 - 10:48 PM
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