Funny, but probably not good for children reading either, although I've been told its nothing they don't hear on basic cable (which did lead me to shriek in the middle of Target "I don't let my four year old watch cable!!!!!")

So, I called Sam last night. Mostly to find out why she left a cryptic message on my machine about Cousin Gloria and her latest escapade (the full explanation of which left me thrilled that we don't share Gloria's last name and that we live in another state). Sam then promptly launched into a blow-by-blow description of the horrific day she had with her boyfriend who is generally charmingly normal but seems to have gone insane yesterday, thwarting her every plan for a great special extraordinary romantical day. (Trust me, she was ... ticked)

I should have known something was ... off ... from her tone. She was calm. Very methodical in explaining to me exactly what he had done wrong minute by minute. She does "calm" occassionally. She does "methodical" almost never.

On and on she went. He said, she said. Word by word, with side commentary on his probable thoughts and motives. I listened along for about an hour, eating ice-cream and taking her side 100% (because thats what a sister-type-person does) until she got to "This day was Hell". I might have snorted in disbelief and pointed out "No. This was NOT hell. I remember hell, and this wasn't it." "Ok, WHAT was Hell then?" "Just in the realm of boyfriends alone, you've had worse days with: the closet-Satanist, the twit with the kilt, that english guy who was almost convicted of killing that girl, the ..." "Fine. I get your point. But. Today was bad and its his fault because ... blah-blah-blah-blah. And THEN he called me a name. A bad name. A VERY bad name."

Me: What did he call you?
Sam: It was bad. Very very bad.

Me: How bad?
Sam: Awful.

Me: Really, how bad could it be? I know some of the previous fights with other guys, and this one thought of something new? I don't think so. What?
Sam: It starts with a "w"

Me: (thinking, thinking, thinking) Wifey? (Because earlier they had been arguing about wives. Don't ask.)
Sam: No. It has an "h" in it.

Me: w, w, w, Wench?
Sam: Nooo. (in a calm tight little voice, that boded no good)

Me: w, w, w,
Sam: w. h. o ...

Me: ummm
Sam: (getting a little shrill) W. H. O. R ...

Me: w. h. o. r. E! I get it!
Sam: you can not seriously not get that!

Me: Its your fault that I didn't. You said it started with a "w" and that starts with an "h" sound. How could you expect me to get it!?!
Sam: (muttering aside)

Me: Ummm, Sam, is he there?
Sam: Yes.

Me: Right there?
Sam: Yes, he's listening on my couch because he threw out his back arguing. I gave him some Godiva and a heating pad. He'll be fine.

Me: (laughing so hard I choked) I can't imagine the horror of dating you!
Sam: (laughing) I can't imagine needing the whole word spelled out!

Note to gentle readers, and my husband: Its PERFECTLY reasonable to not immediately get "whore" out of "it-starts-with-a-"w" because it really starts with an "h" if you're hearing it instead of reading it. Really. It makes sense. I'd have gotten it right away if he had called her something phonetically appropriate.


"I can't imagine the horror of dating you!"


Seriously, my kids want to know why I'm laughing, and I can't tell them! LOL!

I think our families must be related. I've had that same excruciating type of conversation with certain members of our family. And it's the same conversation over and over and over and....

Leni | 08/22/2006 - 10:36 PM

Oh, and by the way, on a christian homeschooling message board, I've been telling tales of my puberty-stricken boy, and have referred to him as Super Obstinate Boy, which I naturally shortened to SOB, til a dear friend asked me if I meant to swear at my son???

She thinks it was a Freudian Slip.

I have no comment! lol

Leni | 08/22/2006 - 10:38 PM
Make Waves

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