At Least He Has A Plan

How do you deal with stress? Think about that. Do you get a little crabbier each day? Do you get insomnia? Do you overeat? Or not eat at all? Or, do you conciously with forethought and glee try to drive your spouse nuts? Because thats my husband's plan. Really. Honestly. He has a plan.

When he's stressed (like building a house, creating a new product at work, AND consulting) my husband finds that he particularly enjoys making me shriek. Really. IT'S HIS PLAN!

Not so much the shrieking as in "oh, look, there's a spider". More like changing the wall-paper on my computer to "wild life icons" which involved the cursor becoming a bee with wigglely legs and antenna that make it impossible to use for precision clicking (he didn't know that part). Or like buying really good chocolate and randomly leaving me a small piece. Or leaving a pile of change next to the clock for my piggy-bank (which is wonderful, I do just adore putting silver coins in my piggy-bank) Or taking my van instead of his truck because the truck was loaded, which is no problem unless I get everyone ready to run errands and then walk out the door to an empty drive-way.

Ok, that last one wasn't part of his "plan". But it definitely made me nuts. In a bad "ARGHHHH" kind of way.

I've got to admit though that his crowning moment of glory and inspiration came last weekend. I had several errands to run and he volunteered to stay home with the kids so I could run them quickly and efficiently and privately. One of them was swinging by the library to pick up the new-book-sequal to something I read last week. He mentioned that if I picked up the book first and dropped it off at the house, that he could read it while I was out erranding. Thats right, people! He wanted me to go get the book I really wanted to read and let him read it first. I had already had that exact plan, so it was no big deal. EXCEPT that it put me in position for his "plan".

Perhaps calling it a "plan" is a tad aggressive. More of a "seized opportunity" I suppose. Regardless, the point is that he knew I was running in at the library for my first-stop. Since I would be gone for several hours, he sent his cell-phone with me. Its the cutest thing! Tiny and black, and it's set to ring the theme song from TheGood,TheBad,AndTheUgly. You know, that old ClintEastwood western? Anyway ...

There was snow everywhere. I had to park in slush and scale a snowbank to get to the library. But I was a woman on a mission. I had already called and they were holding the book at the front desk for me. I KNEW that book was just beyond my grasp! No mere snowbank was going to stop ME! I get to the front door. Snowboots. Gloves. You get the picture. I noticed a big hand-lettered sign that said "Turn off your cell-phones".

(Wait for it ...) I did NOT turn off the cell-phone since no one has the number except contractors for the house and they weren't working on a snowy-weekend. Besides. I would only be in the building a total of 90 seconds. Get my book. Get out. I had a plan too.

I marched in, boldly but quietly. Reveling in my civic-disobediance. I walked to the front desk. The clerk turned to me. The phone exploded into "dun DUH dun dun dun duh. duh DUN duh duh duh dun ..." Even as I was jerking like I had been hit with an electric cattle-prod I ripped it from my pocket and slammed it shut!

But not before Every. Single. Person. stared at me! I'm not sure if they were staring because the phone rang loudly, or because I gave a pretty good impersonation of a seizure. Its entirely possible I babbled something along the lines of "i'm so sorry please give me my book and i'll get out quickly its my husbands phone i didn't turn it off because it never rings i'm so sorry aiiiieeee"

The old guy in line next asked "Was that ... JohnWayne?" to which the clerk interrupted "No, that was ClintEastwood" to which the other clerk responed "Good. Glad to see I'm not the only one that could identify it" to which I responded, throughly subdued and defeated "Do you still have my book?"

As soon as I got out of there, I called my husband to discuss his bizarre sense of timing. And the ensuing conversation might have involved a lot of flailing on my part and a lot of giggleling on his part. Who am I kidding? It definitely involved a lot of full-body-laughing on his part. And laughter is good for people under a lot of stress. Right? RIGHT?


I think maybe y'all are cracking up under the stress!! That's funny though.

Leni | 12/15/2006 - 05:13 PM

that's hilarious.
I love when God sends laughter in times of stress.
His perfect timing.

By the way, be praying for my husband, Ronnie, he is applying for a promotion--he is perfect for the position, and it should just be handed to him on a golden platter, but, you know how corporate worlds go?!

Leah | 12/18/2006 - 01:10 AM

I drink Dr. Pepper to cure stress. I also drink it to celebrate victory. And commiserate after defeat. And sometimes just for no reason at all.

King of Fools | 12/18/2006 - 03:16 PM
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