He's A Catch?

Oh, the inspiration I find at Leni's blog! Reminders of things forgotten ... her daughter went to a formal this week looking lovely, and acting charmingly. In fact, she was so sweet that numerous adults kept trying to set her up with a boy that she is not interested in being set-up with. Memories ...

I was about 15 years old when The Greg Wars began ...

First it was aunts (my mother's sisters), and then older cousins. Phone calls, spontaneous conversations about how Greg-the-son-of-a-Neighbor was perfectly wonderful. How he was smart, and handsome, and funny, and handsome, and sweet, and handsome, and charming, and very handsome. (Maybe this is why I detest John Kerry, who did I mention was in Vietnam?)

Greg did this last week, Greg did that today, Greg simultaneously saved small children and dogs from a burning building while thinking about a solution for poverty and the cure for cancer. Greg was spectacular!

This went on for months, with me weakly smiling and politely nodding while never giving them encouragement. I was busy, I was washing my hair, I was busy, I was interested in some other vague random boy, I was busy, I was really very very busy.

They couldn't seem to grasp the notion that I was NOT interested in Greg in any way. At all. For anything. Ever. See, Greg reminded me of a smarmy junior used-car salesman. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something just made me feel ... icky. Very very icky.

We had reached an impasse. They extolled Greg's perfectness and I refused to bow down before him.

Then my cousin got married. Not to Greg of course, Greg and his family were there. Over the preceeding 18 months I had been worn down. Maybe his "ickiness" was all in my imagination. Maybe I was missing the boat. Maybe I should embrace The Cult Of Greg whole-heartedly! Ok, that last one was a joke. I've never been one to chug the koolaid in one big swallow. Know that old saying, He who hesitates is lost? Well, I lived my life by: He who hesitates is sometimes saved!

Still, I decided to give Greg a second look. To really check him out. Which does not mean watching him dance. It meant letting Norman know I wanted to know "the dirt", and It meant finding Greg's sister and sitting next to her at the reception. You'd be AMAZED at what they'll tell you about their brothers. And if they won't tell you anything? That means he's at least a good-enough guy that his sister doesn't hate him. Greg's sister? She had a LOT to say ...

A few days later, when all the aunts were meeting at Aunt Grace's to do each others hair (dye, perms, whatever) it came to a full boil. They started babbleling about Greg. Again. But this time? This time I was ready. Then it came "He's SUCH a catch!"

"Really? You think he's a catch? Do you even KNOW him? We're talking about the same guy, right? Greg-the-neighbor? The guy from the wedding? The one that cheated on his last girlfriend, and thought it was justified because she too busy having the flu to pay attention to him? The one that uses more hair-product than I do? The guy with the gold chain? The guy who lays out in the sun with a timer so his tan is even on both sides? The guy who fakes an injury if he's losing at a sports-game? The guy who spends TWO HOURS IN THE BATHROOM arranging every hair on his head, and holding it in place with HAIR-SPRAY? The guy whose ambition is to be the manager of the local grocery-store? That Greg? He's a catch? I, for one, think I deserve better than that! But what I hear you saying is that he's the best I can do, and I should be grateful if he deigns to notice me. Is THAT what you're saying? Because THAT is what I'm hearing every time you talk about "Greg". That you have absolutely no standards at all.

Although they had won many battles, they definitely lost The Greg Wars. After that, not one of them had the audacity to bring his name up ever again.

Years later, when their children are working their way through their second and third marriages, none of them can figure out how I ended up with Mr. Perfect. Hmmm. It must have just been dumb luck! Couldn't have been having standards other than "oh, look, its a male".

Waves

LOL! Good girl for sticking to your guns! Ironically, the REAL name of dd's friend is...you guessed it...Greg! But he really is a nice kid. Unlike YOUR Greg. Ick.

Leni | 03/05/2007 - 09:47 PM
 
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