The Giant Flying Ostrich

So today I went back over to the "house with no beds" to do some massive cooking since we haven't moved the kitchen yet. I was all calm. Focused. Intent on achieving my goal. THEN one of the boys said "Hey! So thats what was making that noise!" I walked over to the computer room and there, swirling around the room, was a giant flying ostrich. Ok. So it was really more like a normal bird. But at that moment, it really looked as big as an ostrich!

I did what any normal person would do. I shrieked and flailed and dragged all the children into the hallway where I closed the door to the kitchen and the computer room and effectively prevented the bird from getting into the bedrooms. Deciding to be a grown-up, I took several deep breaths to prepare myself for the dash through the kitchen to the front-door which when thrown wide open would be a bird-magnet. Right? Because thats how it SHOULD work. Right? Open-door = bird magnets. Keep that thought in mind ...

Because when I opened the kitchen door and stepped into it cautiously, the crazy wild bird attacked! Ok. So maybe it only flew at me quickly while chirping. Regardless, it ended abruptly with me throwing myself backward over Katherine-the-toddler and simulateously scooping her up and slamming the door and screaming a lot. I decided we were just going to wait patiently for help to arrive. (No, I did NOT call 911. I called my husband)

Since he couldn't come right that very minute, he had the genius idea of sacrificing our two boys, ages 9 and 7. I said absolutely not. They begged and pleaded. On their knees. I gave up. Afterall, I have neosporin and benedryl and bandaids. Not to mention that I know the quickest route to the ER. And a viable alternative route. (Because when you really need to know, you don't have time to look it up. I would have been such a good boy-scout. Except fo the "boy" part, and the "scout" part. I hate camping and scouting and bugs and animals-that-aren't-dogs-n-cats. But I love their motto "Be Prepared")

Anyway, so the boys armed themselves with brooms and the knowledge that wild flailing of the broom with scare the bird and break things needlessly. I might have stressed that too much. They moved into the computer room with the speed of snails. Inching down the long room toward the front-door. Propping it open. Easing into the room with the bird. I lost interest since no one was in immediate danger, and went off to do some work.

It seems that they moved SO slowly that the bird thought they were statues and landed on one of them! Actually, it landed on Ron's broom as he was just standing in the kitchen "pretending that I wasn't there to try to trap it". He eased gently around the corner into the entry-way, the bird saw the open door and flew away!

Nothing like a little adreniline (and visions of giant flying ostrichs in your living room) to put some zip in your day.


Lucy, may God's peace be with you and may all enjoy fun, food and fellowship at your new home. What a great gift to your husband and gracious gesture to his family. I'm sure you will collect a lot of blog fodder.

Earth Girl | 06/05/2007 - 11:43 AM

I have no idea what I would do if a bird got into my house. No idea at all. Except that it would be Panic City!!!

Paul Burgess | 06/05/2007 - 02:22 PM

Well, the three times (yes, THREE) that a bird got into my house, I did the only respectable thing. I called my friend next door to rescue me! They have 20 animals in their house, they LIKE dealing with fur, feathers and fins!

She laughs at me, but I do not care!! I also made dh get up there and fix the cap on the chimney, as the birds were getting in through there.

I would totally send a willing child to do the job. What does that say about me???

Leni | 06/05/2007 - 03:19 PM

Oh! The stories I can tell about friends and their adventures! The one where the birds made a nest in Mindy's door-wreath and then flew into her house one day. And the one with the bat that was sleeping in Gloria's sink in the middle of the night and how her husband chased it through the house with a machete. Even if it HAD been effective, can you just imagine the MESS!?! (I always looked at him a little differently after that. Afterall, a normal person wouldn't immediately think "Its a bat! Lets chase it with a machete!")

Still, after this whole thing is over I'll have lots of time and inclination for "fun" postings! Like the one about The Atheist Bimbo. Thats a really good one. I keep trying not to forget it!

Lucy | 06/05/2007 - 05:53 PM
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