Throwing The Switch

Katherine is about eighteen months old. That means I'm about eighteen months post-partum. Thank God. Literally. And repeatedly. It takes about eighteen months for everything to come back online. Studies of mothers show that while pregnant and thereafter, parts of the brain simply shut-down to concentrate resources on survival.

Well. I've survived. Again. And THIS time? THIS time we're done. I've been surviving for ten years. Willingly mind you, but still.

I felt the switch flip last week. Suddenly. Between heartbeats. While bickering with my husband. Not really arguing, yet, just kinda expressing that we were both tired and cranky and sick and pretty sure that the other one was intentionally trying to aggravate us to death.

And then the switch flipped. Speechless. So shocked that I was even INTERNALLY speechless. Just left staring blankly at my husband who was saying something entirely sane. A response would have been good, but I looked at him and then went to sleep. Stunned.

I hope this isn't a flicker, I'm ready to be totally back online. Not that I'm saying I've been ... gone ... for the past decade. Perhaps just that I haven't been the whole me that I can be. Wow. I feel like ... like ... like ... losing a hundred pounds, going to Disney, and ... and ... and ... OH! MY! GOODNESS! I FEEL LIKE "DOING" CHRISTMAS! THE WHOLE NINE-YARDS!

To most of you, that means nothing. To my husband ... Remember when I was pregnant with the first one? And I lost all interest in Christmas? Well, not "all" but I no longer instinctively knew how many ornaments I had and where they needed to be hung?

Until this moment it hadn't occurred to me that I've been mentally plotting where the tree goes and what kind of tree and what kind of decorations and ... I haven't really DONE a great tree in years and it hasn't bothered me all that much. Sure, we've had trees and the kids have loved them all, but I've done them mostly out of duty rather than a sense of ... fascination. But not this year. I feel a real ... interest.

I feel more "me" than I have in a long time. Its a good thing I like me :)


I KNOW I left a comment yesterday...

One wonders, if you managed to pull off that party without being at 100%, what could you have done if you were?

Boggles the mind.

Leni | 07/26/2007 - 02:39 PM

Bwahahaha. Next reunion "party". June 2009. Renting a beach-house on one of the barrier islands south of Charleston. BWAHAHAHAHA ...

Lucy | 07/27/2007 - 07:54 PM
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