I don't know exactly where to start. So many parts of the whole experience rendered me stunned speechless. I find myself struggling even now to get my thoughts together.

Lets start with the facts. My husband took the children to visit this particular church a few times. The kids really like the Summer program, so we were kinda thinking this might be the church for us. I hadn't personally been because of a mild cold, pulled back-muscle, ect.

Yesterday we ALL went. The kids went to their classes (which they didn't love as much as the big Summer group programs) and my husband and I went to service followed by Sunday School. Wait. This post is just going to be about MY personal experience at the church. Lets start with the arrival.

We parked. It was paved. So far, so good. The greeter at the door handed me a bulletin and "low-fived" one of the children. So far, not bad. Then the SECOND wave of greeters just inside the door intercepted me as I tried to follow my husband and children to check in Katherine at the nursery. They hugged me. Like I was a long lost friend. I'm not adverse to hugging in any way, but this was a LOT of hugging. I felt a little ... mugged. I broke free and realized my husband had dropped off Katherine and was gone. Great. (That was sarcasm).

The super-friendly greeters showed me where he had probably gone to drop off the other children and I waited at the top of the stairs for him. Eventually he came back. I was staring blankly out the window of the stairwell. He held my hand on the way to our seats in the service.

The seats were not comfy. Not bad, but not comfy. I was too short. But they were cushioned. They sang three short hymns (without hymnals) ("sing along if you know the words") and then the minister preached. For a long time. On varied and assorted themes. I tried to look interested and pleasant because it dawned on me that everyone else looked ... grim. I did not feel uplifted. I didn't even feel convicted. I hope someone got something out of it. I did learn a few new derogatory "wife" jokes. I don't think he meant them badly, and they WERE funny, but still ... I felt a little yucky. We went to Sunday School ...

The Sunday School Teachers wife had called me the previous week. We chatted. She's very nice, absolutely charming. She's from Texas. Her husband is retired military. He's nice too. He looked sharp in a navy blazer, white shirt and navy/burgendy tie. At first I couldn't figure out what was nagging at the corner of my mind. Then I realized that his tie and his wife's dress matched. She also looked great. But still.

Now, to address the pink elephant in the corner of the room. I'll just spit it out. My husband told me they were super-friendly. My husband MIGHT have told me they were slightly older. He just didn't use the right degree of emphasis, because I was NOT prepared to be in a room of SENIOR CITIZENS (all the way up to age 93) because there is only one adult class! Out of about 40 people, there was one 17 yr old, us, and then everyone else was OLD. I mean OLD. Walkers and Oxygen. It was NOT what I was expecting.

But I went with it. Until I heard a shrill cry from the nursery down the hall. Then another one. Then, another one. I whispered to my husband that I was going to the nursery. He nodded and let me out. I slipped out of the room, and down the hall. I didn't really think it was Katherine, but I DID think they might need another set of hands if they had a fussy baby in the nursery.

They had four people in the nursery, and about eight baby-toddlers. But it was just the one crazy-for-crackers baby that was making the noise (when she didn't get the crackers fast enough). They were pleasant and vaguely chatty. Then, I felt a hand on my elbow. It was the Sunday School Teachers wife. She informed me softly that they had enough hands, gently that my child was fine, and then somehow I was lead back to class! She's so charming that I just went along with it.

Thats right. I was captured and returned to class. Like a three year old that has wandered away from the group! My husband was ... surprised ... to see me return to class. I was surprised too. And not in a good way.

Looking back on the experience, I'm still a little stunned. Like ... like ... like ... I still don't know. No part of the whole experience was horrible. Nothing I can point to and say "See? Thats wrong and crazy!". And yet? It still felt wrong and crazy.

We laughed a lot about it afterwards. I'm not sure if my husband was laughing at the situation, or the fact I was stunned speechless.