I Made A Grown Man Cry

Well, almost cry, literally. And it wasn't all my fault. I blame the lack of training Lowe's gives their employees. A few months ago I ordered new doorknobs for the house we had just bought. Shiny chrome ones. You'll note I had to order them because Lowe's only stocked brass ones. But thats a whole different issue ... back to the doorknobs.

When I ordered the knobs they messed up the order about three times. It seems that Lowe's assigns one item number to an entire style series from the manufacturer. For example, the item numbers for a left-handed lever and a twist knob are the same. Do you see how this might confuse things? Argh!!!! This is why I love HomeDepot, but for reasons too complicated to go over (again and again and again until I accept the neccessity of the situation), lets just say that I HAVE to go to Lowes.

Anyway, finally we got the correct doorknobs for the upstairs months ago. Since that time, we've found a dear sweet contractor that seems to have neither moral nor mental defect so we decided to rebuild the basement. Hence, I needed more doorknobs. And the saga continues ...

I toddled myself off to Lowe's, three children in tow. I thought, mistakenly as it turns out, that it would only take a few minutes since I was only orderering more of what I ordered before. Bwahahahahahaha ...

Two hours and forty minutes later I had trained two elderly employees on how to use their computer in the special-order department. I used to do that kinda thing for a living. I take pride in the fact that I could talk a crying eighty-year old grandfather through nasty horrid computer problems. However, this particular episode was complicated by the fact that the clerk was literally more than half deaf and his supervisor was literally more than half blind. I'm not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up!

Eventually, we got the order processed so that I did indeed recieve the correct knobs in a timely manner. HOWEVER, the next day I had issues with the special order for the doors themselves. I met the contractor at Lowe's, hoping that between the two of us we could manage to get the correct doors. We were walking down the main aisle, looking for something which we couldn't find. Then, my contractor decided to grab an employee and ask a question. (Wait for it ...)

Yes, he rounded the corner and grabbed the attention of the first employee he saw. Or, rather, he tried to. Even as he was trying to address Mr. AlmostDeafEmployee, the employee looked past him and saw me. People have most likely had more relaxed responses to seeing ghosts. The employee actually flinched while his whole body jerked like he was having a seizure. He turned seven shades of pale, while making a gasping sound like a fish out of water.

I'm a gentle soul, or I'd like to be. I just gave him a little smile and waved him along. He actually made a dive behind the nearest display and scurried away as quick as he could without literally breaking into a full sprint (which would probably have been hard for someone in his eighties).

Almost as entertaining was the reaction of the contractor. Its not like the reactions of the employee were remotely subtle. (I'm just glad he didn't have a heartattack!) The contractor stood there staring at me, open mouthed. I'm not generally the kind of person that inspires complete terror. All I told him was "Yesterday it took two hours and forty minutes to get the doorknob order correct." Suddenly, understanding and awe washed over his expression. He muttered "you mean they got it right the first time, unbelievable!" The contractor has looked at me differently since then. I guess he just didn't suspect that I'm the type that can and will push an employee right to the edge of the abyss.


ROFLOL! My family is looking at me like I'm nuts, because I'm sitting here cracking up! That is just too funny. That poor man.

Leni | 11/03/2004 - 01:07 AM

I just told my dh about your post. When he stopped laughing, he said, "Hmmm...maybe THAT'S why she can't shop at HomeDepot! They're afraid of her!"

He was just joking, but I wanted to share. You gave us all a good chuckle tonight.

Leni | 11/03/2004 - 01:47 PM

LOL. I am at this very moment waiting on the boys to get their shoes on so we can go to Lowes!

I've discovered the best way to treat the employees at Lowes is to assume they're mentally challenged. It would explain a lot about their behaviors and it reminds me to treat them with gentle compassion instead of irritation. If nothing else, I'm sure their co-workers are driving them nuts!

Lucy | 11/03/2004 - 03:30 PM

Lucy, have you considered moving into a Marriott Residence Inn? :) Poor thing...will this ever be over?

Sheilah | 11/04/2004 - 05:21 AM

It damn well better be over by November 19th! My contractor actually asked the question "Would it be OK if I came over and did quiet stuff in the basement after the kids go to sleep?" We are on a death march to the sea! Although now that I've used that phrase, I remember that I don't care for Sherman as a historical figure. Wait... I'm drifting ... focus ...

Posting on the 17th and 18th will most likely be light and to the point. Interesting to see if I post "my contracter died in a mysterious accident this morning" OR "everything is ahead of schedule, so I'm using my extra time to bake my contractor a carrot-cake which is his favorite"

Lucy | 11/04/2004 - 02:00 PM

Simply Lucy!

You do know, "I LOVE LUCY!"

that would be YOU!

Giggle giggle | 11/13/2004 - 11:18 AM
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