The most feared words in the English language are "knock, knock". Trust me. It doesn't get worse than that. Although ... "I have a riddle" comes close.

Here are a few gems from dinner, so you'll be prepared to torture your co-workers. Misery loves company, and all that.

If you are the one taking my children shopping for Christmas presents for me, let me FIRMLY suggest that you show them the Williams-Sonoma catalog next to my computer and remind them how gigglely-happy the cover with the train created of little cakes makes Mommy. Take them to the website and let them look at all "bundt pans" under "bakeware". (There aren't that many and their search for "nordicware" is inadequate) Go "oooooo" and "ahhhhhhh" especially over the sandcastle cake pan, and then train, and to a lesser degree the snowman. Which is not to say I don't adore the snowman (but how does it stand up straight and how would you cut it)

Now, you might be thinking one of the four has already been shopping, and the other two don't have enough to spring for a REALLY WONDERFUL CAKE-PAN, but keep in mind that I actually have FOUR children and while Katherine is too little to have an allowance and do her own shopping, I still went through her child-birth. And that brings the total to THREE children who need to shop for me and surely-to-goodness you can find it in your heart to donate four dollars plus S&H!

AND its better than taking them ALL to buy me Christmas ornaments! Really, I'm only thinking of you.

We watched "16 Blocks" the other night. It was surprisingly ... not-grim. Worth watching. One of the main characters is often consumed with "signs". Indicators that he should or should not be involved in some action or some location. Mostly, he's convinced that everything will work out ok in the end because thats the way HE interprets the signs.

They never get around around to where the "signs" might be coming from. Still, its a novel concept in a modern-day cop-movie. That there might be intervention of some sort at work in our lives. Thats its more than just a series of random coincidences. There might be purpose and ... destiny.

I find that to be a comforting thought. That our lives have purpose. That sometime we might be in exactly the right time at exactly the right moment for a very right reason. Perhaps thats why the following story stuck in my mind.

After a brutal day of painting in high wind (which involved paint in my hair) I snapped like a twig. Actually, I snapped like a wet noodle. A very limp wet noodle. Much too limp to cook dinner. So we went out for chinese food. Its a win-win-win situation. The food on the buffet is good. The kids love chopsticks. The tables are small so we put the kids at a table across from our table and explain that inter-table talking is rude to other customers. Its almost like dinner out with a babysitter! Slowly, everyone settles down into complete relaxed bliss.

Then the fortune cookies come to the table.

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted. Time has almost ceased to have meaning since I've realized The Move is estimated to be in about 12 days. Days. Minutes. Hours. Whatever. Here's a few thoughts this morning:

Do NOT eat chinese food with a sarcastically inclined husband. It doesn't end well. Hmmm. THAT might be its own post later.

Pay attention to what your children say. Its most effective to correct mistakes early on. For example, as I realized this week, you don't want your child to go around talking about the "Pooping Loompa" when he really means the "Oompa Loompa". Thats NOT the same thing.

Do NOT try to drink your Perricone-Promise-approved morning smoothie in front of the computer unless you are willing to share it with the toddler who, upon seeing it, charges across the room bellowing like a wounded rhino. (I'm amazed that Katherine can charge at 13 months. The others all started toddleling at about 14 months, and she's been doing it for several weeks)

Oh! Oh! Oh! Here's a shining HAPPY moment: Today, while feeding Katherine some baked ziti she made a sound each time I gave her a noodle. Then it dawned on me. She was saying THANK YOU! Literally. "Thank You". (See, we play a little game where she hands me things and I say "thank you' and then I give it back to her and say "there you go") (Yes, I know its junior-level brain-washing. You point is what?) Just refer to me as "SuperMommmmmm!"

I've been reading MORE holiday magazines and came across the most outrageously clever party idea of all time!

Because I'll forget things if I don't "archive" the menu. It can get ... complicated.

I've been reading the holiday issues of magazines. (I read a LOT of magazines. Once, when I had only one child, a neighbor with one small child asked when I found time to read and I distinctly remember being shocked that she COULDN'T find time to read!) (Incidentally, I kept the magazines in the car. When he fell asleep on the way home from the store, I'd sit in the driveway and read while he napped)

Back to the holidays. It seems every magazine has huge sections on how to "survive" the holidays. People! The holidays should be about "thriving" not just "surviving". Its time for a revolution in the way we approach the holidays! Out of the box, everyone!

A friend of mine was telling me about one of the nurses where she works that accidentially set herself on fire a few weeks ago. With hand-sanitizer. Apparently, she gooped it on her hands and then flipped the lightswitch before she was "dry". A tiny spark inside the switch ignited the evaporating alcohal gel and next thing she knew her hands were on fire!

Safety lesson for the day: Don't move until your hands quit being "cold" from the evaporating stuff. There's worse things than catching a cold!

According to Shape Magazine (which is a HORRID magazine), Ohio State University "found that people who ate a salad containing avocado got seven times as much vision-protecting lutein and nearly 18 times the cancer-fighting beta carotene as those who had the" same salad without avocado. Implied dosage about 1/3 cup of avocado. Thats like a half-avocado, right?

And now that I've shared this with the family, I've got boys requesting vegetable snacks with an avocado booster. A boy that wouldn't TOUCH an apple has now decided avocado and apples are probably a good idea. And how cool that eating one carrot and some avocado is like eating 18 CARROTS!

Apparently, I'm raising very efficient eaters who have found a way to "cheat" on veggie intake. Ironically, they haven't noticed they're eating more veggies than ever! Wooohoooooo!

I have embraced the inevitable. I have accepted it. I have a fluffy-bunny blog. I am incapable of prolonged periods of sarcasm and snideness. (Please note: I said "prolonged") Generally, people will read my blog and say or think something along the lines of "Awwwwww, what a sweet little blog"

Which is not inherently bad. Its just me. I will never be the impassioned laser-focused leader who inspires others to greatness, who moves through life with big-sweeping-theme-music wafting in their wake. Occassionally, very rarely, I can be the dangerously-cold individual who goes from normal-to-other-and-back-to-normal in the blink of an eye. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm generally a fluffy-bunny. Ok. I'm generally a fat-and-fluffy-bunny. With a pink bow around her neck.

Therefore, while reading my fluffy-bunny blog, some of you might be stunned (perhaps even shocked) to find out that one of my very most favorite Christmas charities is ...

I'm about to do something wrong. With forethought, although no malice. In fact, I do it out of adoration. At first, I was going to link the post. Then I thought to myself "Hmmmmm. What if they turn out to be lunatics and close their site!?! I mean, they SEEM normal but I've not been reading them that long and its within the realm of possibility that they might snap like twigs at any moment. What to do, what to do!?!"

Then I thought to myself. "Hmmmm. I could excerpt a bit of the post for educational purposes ... OR ... I could justcopythewholething!" That last bit was thought in a quick rush of horror and excitement! Admittedly, it doesn't take all that much to get my adrenaline going. Still. I know that my husband will love this piece (and its not like I don't send him over there to read their site anyway) and eventually my boys will love this piece and I don't think they actually wrote it. I THINK they just found it floating loose in the world and posted it for their readers enjoyment. And, yes, I enjoyed it tremendously. At the very least, it shows that they have sparklely taste.

Be warned ... I laughed until I cried. Admittedly, I laugh a lot. (My children think nothing is as satisfying as making Mama laugh, which accounts for the near endless supply of questionable knock-knock jokes) So, here, without further personal justification, archived on my own site for my own personal enjoyment, is a post from Ghubert at SammyTaylor.net ...

Its almost here. The Move. About three more weeks. I won't bore you with the atrocious details involving the building, mostly because writing about them would involve me thinking about them which would lead me to kill people. Very slowly. In horriblely creative ways.

But let me say, that last week I found out the doors to the bathrooms were put in the wrong spot by a few inches and now the bathroom countertops and sinks won't fit. La-la-la-la I'm in my happy place! Apparently, there's been more than one moment during the build that my husband has envisioned me as a Pixar character. Last week, it was that star-fish in the tank from FindingNemo. Before that, it was the fish that calmly said "Oh, you mean that swirly vortex of terror over there" right before he plunged to his supposed-doom. Just as long as its not the short fat green monster from MonstersInc!

Anyway. The reality has set in. We are moving whether the house is done or not. Period. It should be interesting, in a psychotic-look-at-the-train-wreck kinda way. Hmm. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA I'M IN MY HAPPY PLACE!

We were marching through Lowes Warehouse last week, in search of elusive building materials when the boys rebelled. More of a small skirmish trailing in my wake, really. Because I was in no mood for discussion during our THIRD trip to Lowes that day. They WOULD behave appropriately. Period. Or there would be dire consequences.

They stopped and crossed their arms, with that you-can't-make-me-look. Of course, THAT must be dealt with at once. I looked at them calmly and said (because I'm trying to help them learn to make good decisions not just brow-beat them into submission) "Is this really the choice you want to make?"

Slight pause on their part. Big sighs. Slowly trudging forward. Then this exchange with Lee, as I distiractedly looked for the right newel post:

Lee: "Well, when I'm 18 I won't have to obey you."
Me: "Yes, you will".

Lee: "No, I won't. I'll be an adult"
Me: " I am your Mama and will be until the day they bury you."

Lee: "But you don't obey Nana!"
Me: "Thats because Nana is often very wrong!"

The coughing-gasping-giggleling-sound alerted me to the little old man at the end of the aisle, enjoying the show!

I feel the need to document Cassie's outfit this morning, because years from now she'll never ever believe she chose this outfit on her own. Lets start at the top ...

Yay!!! The test came back OK! Theoretically, he doesn't have any problem with his heart. Realistically? How else do you explain the crushing chest pain and other classic symptoms? BUT the point is that he doesn't need heart surgery this morning, and we are SO thankful for that! Especially thanks to you that prayed, and thanks to those that wished he would be fine even if you aren't the praying kind. It helped me to talk about it, and you all just know that I couldn't be telling my family or they'd have lost their minds and thus added exponentially to my personal stress level :p

The sun did indeed rise in the East this morning. I hopped right out of bed and checked first thing! And, although Democrats are running around loose, Hell has not officially frozen over. Chilled maybe, but not frozen.

...because of issues like this. Its shocking they're allowed to get away with this in Missouri, absolutely stunning! How is this even legally possible? And will it work?

[By the way, King-Of-Fools designed that site. Isn't it fabulously pretty, in a very macho kinda way?]

Being a little distracted this morning, I decided to clean out my mailbox which I hadn't looked at in a few days. I anticipated deleting page after page of fiendish spammers. And there were indeed a few. But I noticed two auto-notifications from the same address had commented on the same post. The one about rabid squirrels. Its really old, so I immediately thought "Argh! Crazed spammers have found a way around the DNA test!" BUT, when I clicked on the messages, they were from a live person! Admittedly, from a person who was making a mistake. Scott had at least two windows open and thought he was commenting on the other one. He probably doesn't read my blog, probably not ANY fluffy-bunny-blogs. None-the-less , of course I went over there to see ...

... start praying now. My husband cancelled a business trip this morning to go instead to the doctor. Heart attack. EKG shows he didn't have one, yet. "Take two aspirin, and call me in the morning" almost literally. "Take two aspirin, and try to stay calm until eight days from now which is the quickest we can get you in for more extensive testing".

The family history is alarming. I mentioned that I hadn't planned on blogging it because I thought he'd be a little freaked out by me freaking out in public. He told me he'd rather have the prayers. Ok. So, now I'm really freaked out. Like I wasn't before. Ha!

Still, God created universes and galaxies and everything therein. He can certainly keep my husband together, body and soul. IF he wills it. I need this. Amen.

UPDATE: He's still cold (although the house is 74 degrees) and weak. But, he's not the wrong color. And since heart-problems don't give you a fever, we think a small part of it may be getting a cold/virus at the same time. Got to admit, I wonder if the virus triggered further heart/circulatory damage.

You've got to have that song going in your head to really appreciate this next part. Go ahead, hum and head-bob along with it for a minute. "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round The wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town"

Now. You're ready to experience what I did the other morning. I woke up to hear Lee (my 7 year old) singing and dancing with gusto to Katherine (the 12 month old baby) in her crib, "Oh, iffff I were ... Fat and Fluffy, fat and fluffy, Fat and Fluffy, if I were fat and fluffy ..."

Yes, he's made up a whole song called Fat-and-Fluffy sung to the tune of Wheels-on-the-Bus. Its a little unsettleing first thing in the morning. But, I suspect I'll be hearing it alot. Katherine absolutely LOVES it!